Happy Birthday to my dream
My debut on Substack was on January 6, 2024. Happy Birthday, “Musings of an aspiring writer.”
One year of writing about 30 newsletters, which I called essays, and plenty of notes.
Or so I thought. In the scheme of things, that is not a high number. If I had written two weekly newsletters, that would have been 104 letters and many more notes.
Why didn’t I write more?
What was holding me back?
There were so many reasons – stories -running through my head.
To get to the bottom of it, I went deep. I meditated on this and asked why I didn’t commit to my dream.
Why do I give the power away by getting distracted?
Why can’t I be bothered?
Why “I do it later/tomorrow?”
"I can’t do that, "I would often tell myself, a whisper of self-doubt echoing in my mind.
I am not good enough ….
I am not worthy of being free and happy.
That was the one that resonated the most: I am not worthy of success, to be free, financially secure, and abundant on all levels.
Well, that takes a while to unpack.
I have heard of the imposter syndrome, a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent fear of being exposed as a 'fraud '. I learned that it is very common, and it's something I've grappled with in my journey as a writer.
Fear of failure, or is it the fear of success? That is a good question to ponder, I am sure.
I am well acquainted with failure; I am sure many people can say the same.
However, being successful in my field as a holistic therapist, where I've helped numerous individuals achieve balance and wellness, as a spiritual life coach, guiding people on their spiritual journeys, and as an artist and writer would be a new and unfamiliar experience.
Being successful!
What would that mean for my life? What would change? Many things would change, and change is nerve-racking. Better the devil you know.
Happiness is a mindset that includes being grateful for what I have and accepting that this situation is temporary. This is one chapter, not the whole book. I have to wait to see what the next chapter brings.
The way forward is to be present and work on the dream.
What I am writing now lays the foundation for a change in my life.
What you put in, you get out.
Impatience is also something to let go of. Even the Roman Empire wasn’t built in one year.
Trust that it works itself out. A solution presents itself.
The paradox is that we are in control of our destiny and, at the same time, are not.
The only true power we have is that of our thoughts. By observing our thoughts, we learn a lot about ourselves.
It took me many years of introspection and self-discovery to figure out what I wanted for my life and who I was.
Ironically, writing calls me the most, followed by my art and holistic business.
After one year on Substack, I can proudly say that I am now fully committed to my dream.
Showing up at the desk and start writing. Did I plan what I would be writing about?
No, I didn’t. Not the way it shows up here for you to read.
“Do what you love doing” by Beth Kempton was the nudge I needed last year. And here I am.
Sometimes, I think this is a dream, me writing.
“Be more committed to your dream than your fear of failure.”
A mantra to stick on the fridge door.
I hope you have enjoyed my letter, the musing, ponderings and wonderings of life's passage.
Much love
Anja xx