Windows of opportunities are not always in the plain site.
By holding on to how I think my life should be and visiting the past too many times throughout the day, I may miss when a new opportunity presents itself.
I am discovering that my past experiences and the imprinted beliefs of others are still present in my way of being and doing.
Part of me thinks, how can that be?
After so many years of inner work, I still have programs running in the background that are holding me back.
What happened was that I was managing my pain, shame, and regrets. I only scratched the iceberg of this enormous pile of s….
Toke the edge off if you like. But not digging enough deep to transcend it all.
And it seems that now the time has come to face it, truly see it, and accept it— so it moves. This acceptance brings a sense of relief, a lightness that I hadn't felt in a long time.
How do I know that I was still holding onto the pain?
The trigger was my illness. It forced me to rest, sleep a lot, and do nothing but visit the past.
I turned to meditation once I was feeling a bit better. It became my anchor, guiding me through the storm of emotions and memories. And that helped to transcend all of it.
This is also known as doing the shadow work.
Embracing the duality of my true nature.
Accepting all that I am, the good and not so great (labels and judgement of good and bad) is the way to freedom.
When I revisit the past, I sense emotions/energy moving. This shows that I am emotionally and mentally attached to what happened. I sat with the emotion, and it started to move. No label, no judgement, just feeling the sensation within of me, the movement of energy.
How do you know that you are no longer attached?
When the past is just a story, it no longer triggers an energy moving about.
What do I mean by energy moving? I'm referring to the fact that emotions are essentially energy in motion. When we experience an emotion, we feel the energy of that emotion moving within us. As an example: most of us are familiar with the Butterflies in the belly? The racing heart beat? The feeling as if the rug was pulled from our feet. That is energy in motion.
Thoughts can create an emotional response. An email can create a storm of energy moving – the mind is very quick in putting a name to it.
On a retreat a few years ago this question was put in front of us.
What came first: The energy moving followed by the thought/label?
Or was energy moving followed by the thought?
The labels we attach to emotions are often inherited from our families and cultures. These labels can shape how we experience and express our emotions, and they can also influence how we perceive the emotions of others.
When you are entirely in the presence of the Divine – you feel it. Deeply. And you will cry – tears of joy, bliss and deep love. By 'the Divine ', I'm referring to a sense of spiritual connection and transcendence that can bring profound emotional experiences.
But tears and crying get labelled: "Don’t cry, don’t feel sad. I know it hurts—let me kiss it better." "Have a sweet and watch some TV." As parents, most of us have done that. Well, I did.
We don’t like tears, pain, or discomfort. And yet, if we could allow it just to be. (I am not talking about severe pain or life-threatening wounds; I mean the odd mild headache, the coughing and sneezing, and the little bump on the head)
Developing a curious mind means just watching when the foot suddenly hurts without any reason. It's about being fully present in the moment, without letting the past or future cloud your experience.
Our society has conditions us to compare, judge, and work very hard.
The apple I am eating now is so much nicer than the apple I had yesterday.
And yet, if I am mindful while I am eating the apple, it is a different experience.
Which leads me to experience. Every situation gets a label and gets compared. I do that as well. My former house was so much bigger compared to this one. It was in a much nicer area compared to this one. Getting hung up on what was. Instead of what is. Yes, it is much smaller, making it snug and cosy. It's not as lovely an area, but I can walk down the street to get a pint of milk.
Is the glass half full or half empty?
Accepting that every situation is temporary, that life itself is impermanent.
I am letting go of how my life should be and being open to seeing what unfolds.
What new opportunities are coming in? Now that the old has gone, making for the new to come in.
One last thing I have learned. Never give up on the dream; but be open to how it comes about.
I am dedicated to my dream, and I show up at my desk every day now. I will no longer do it later or tomorrow. I am doing it now.
Thank you for reading my musings, ponderings and wonderings about life and the challenges to presents us with.
Much love
Anja xx